but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
