She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
