"it" just moved
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
