People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
