As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
