All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
