I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
