I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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