A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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