You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
