Don't make out with my wife yet
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
