It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
