Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
