Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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