If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
