Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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