Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
