but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
