i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
