Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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