dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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