Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
