he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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