I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
