chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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