did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
