Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
