Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
40s are totally the cure
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
