When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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