I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
