Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
