Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the raccoons are back...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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