Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
