the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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