If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
