I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
