i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
