and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
