I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
