:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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