Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
