Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
