the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
