Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So many bounce houses so little time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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