last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
