If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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