I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
