Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wanna go halves on a baby?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
