Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
