Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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