I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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