I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
