she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you have to choose: penises or morals?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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