it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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