we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
